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Malta Tour July 2014
Day 5

“Happy Birthday to You, Ha-SHUUUUTT UUPPPP!”.

As the clock struck midnight for Elliot Fitzgerald, 2^nd year baritone, it became apparent that the Maltesers didn’t always appreciate our dulcet tones. Clare Choir then proceeded to sing an exquisitely atmospheric rendition of the celebratory birthday motet on the roof terrace of the hotel. (Turns out the baritones can sing pp if they need to…)

The Choristers progressed to one of the sea-front bars to spend some time absorbing the sea air (Maltesers’ nicotine), before the risk-takers amongst the group headed on to a casino. The quality of play was varied: Can Bass 4 made 20 Euros which just covered the very shady cab back to the hotel, whereas the George Law Junior Organ Scholar blew all of his money chasing reds, after which much sleep was had.

We all know that Choristers of the Chapel Choir of Clare College, Cambridge,  (CCCCCC) are known for their high-octane non-stop schedule so it was no surprise we spent this day…sitting on the beach doing absolutely nothing.

‘Nothing’ included:

- Watersports – a trip (and dip) on the banana boat, jet skiing and a game of piggies in the middle

- Multiple body injuries, including:

• an imprint of Chris Loyn’s size 13 foot on Janneke Dupré’s size [ahem] boob
• twin scratches on the small of Chris Loyn’s back from L.A.D. Booth-Clibborn’s 1^st and 2^nd toes on his right foot
• Crippling scratch wound on Graham Ross’ left arm from Janneke Dupré’s nails. Potentially career threatening.
• A broken bone! Matthew Jorysz’s small toe in beach football… He allowed himself an injury break of 7mins and was back on his feet with the gents (place finger to gland and exclaim ‘uhh!’) in no time.

• A D of E expedition - Mikey McGovern and Neil Warner complete their Gold D of E expedition in attempting to find a cashpoint which was supposedly ‘quite near’ to the beach.

The real aim of tour – to tan – was continued in earnest. With (very) limited success. The inevitable burns ranged from mildly bronzed to burnt to within an inch of life. Having recently resigned from his role as ‘Tan Manager’, Matthew Jorysz further embarrassed himself…though perhaps not as much as Mr Culshaw’s burnt nippular area.

As CCCCCC had fun in the sea, the makeshift swimwear efforts from Doctor Proctor became evident. A pair of swimshorts without the zip held up only by a single, thin drawstring. Pictures can be found online (make sure you have safe search turned off). Another surprise in the shallower waters of this Catholic land, as with every beach that we visited, included an ironic soiled contraceptive device found floating in the shallower waters…

After a coach ride back, the accidental interruption of a Maltese wedding and copious applications of aloe vera for the paler members of the Choir back at the hotel, we began the pilgrimage across the sea-front to dinner. Unlike normal restaurants, the starters arrived after the mains had been served, and parmesan was then offered for an empty place of bolognaise. Things then started to look up as a surprise tiramisu appeared accompanied by a significantly louder rendition of ‘Happy Birthday’ for Mr Fitzgerald, and for a night off the evening ended with a civilized drink or seven in the bar.

Abi Gostick (Lay Clerk) and Chris Loyn (Can Tenor 1)